Chapter 13. Partner childbirth - Adishhub

Chapter 13. Partner childbirth

Partner childbirth

It is very gratifying that today partner childbirth is increasingly practiced. And they are practiced not only in home births, but also in almost any maternity hospital for any type of childbirth (paid or free). Partner births are called because they involve the participation of a person close to the woman in addition to the midwife (and in some cases the midwife may not be, for example, in home birth). It can be a mother, sister, grandmother, but, of course, most often we are talking about the baby’s father.

Since ancient times, among different peoples, including our ancestors, men participated in the act of giving birth to a child. A special rite (kuvada) accompanied the participation of a man in childbirth. Our ancestors believed in a special bond between father and child at the moment of his birth. At the time when a woman was giving birth, her husband had to make loud sounds (screams, groans) in order to distract the attention of evil spirits. Thus, the man energetically protected his family. Similar ceremonies are also found in Asia, Africa and even in Europe. For example, among nomads, when childbirth took place in an open field, a woman squatted, leaning her back against the back of her husband, who was sitting here, who guarded her and the child from possible enemies or wild animals.

Only with the spread of Christianity in Russia was childbirth transferred to the category of a purely female sacrament. During childbirth, all men were escorted out of the house. With the opening of maternity hospitals, as well as with the transfer of the obstetric care system under close state control (in the USSR), the idea of ​​the possibility of a man participating in childbirth (unless it is a doctor) entered the category of something fantastic, impossible and inappropriate. The men were accustomed to the waiting system under the windows of the maternity hospital and to admire the faceless bundle through the glass. And it’s all? I became the father, the head of the family?

Today, however, stories of partner childbirth are heard more and more often. In our society, there are many both supporters of partner clans and their opponents. However, in their heated debates, these people forget that every birth story is a story deeply personal and individual for each couple. The main thing is that today spouses are given freedom of choice. If they want to share this experience together, the opportunity exists even with free births. The only limitation is the situation of childbirth in maternity hospitals of the old type (with common prenatal and birth), where a man may not be allowed due to the simultaneous birth of another woman. Fortunately, such maternity hospitals are becoming less and less, and a new type of maternity hospital with individual delivery boxes prevails, where the spouse or someone close to the woman in labor can be admitted.

However, it is important to remember that a man’s participation in childbirth should be based solely on his desire and conscientiousness of his intention. Of course, from an energetic and spiritual point of view, a child who comes into this world should be met by both parents. As we have already said above, it is very important for the father to participate in cutting the newborn’s umbilical cord in order to establish an energy balance in the baby’s subtle body.

In addition, a man who does not know about what a woman has to experience in order to give a new life, no doubt, will see the reality of life to some extent distorted. We, being busy modern people, very rarely think about how we came into the world, what experience our mothers experienced. In order to understand the full depth and inviolability of the child-mother relationship, the whole unconditionality of mother’s love in relation to her child, you need to know where this connection begins (this applies to both pregnancy and the birth itself).

“It is extremely important who the child sees first. It has been proven that there is the so-called “imprinting”, that is, who the child saw first is the most important for him, relatively speaking, the toti is the parent. Of course, most of us were born in maternity hospitals and were the first to see not our mother, but our father in general in a week, and somehow we live and love our parents, but this creates distance and affects human psychology not for the better.
The absence of a father not only in the first minutes, but also in the first days of a child’s life does not go unnoticed. For some reason, in my opinion, it is erroneous, it is believed that the mother in the early stages is more important for the child than the father. Perhaps she is more important on the physical plane, she feeds him, they have one field. As for psychology, parents are equal. The presence of the father at the moment the baby is born not only has a beneficial effect on the child and the mother, but also changes the father tremendously. “

Varvara Gagarina, yoga teacher, mother of Yuri.

However, over hundreds of years, people’s consciousness has changed a lot. We have developed a strong idea that childbirth and male presence are incompatible. Many men are not able to overcome this in themselves. Therefore, hearing doubts, fear or refusal of a spouse when you offer him to participate in childbirth, be ready to accept and understand him. A man’s love for you and a child can also be expressed in other gestures – in arranging space for a baby, in a conversation between a husband and his father about how he (her husband) can become a good dad, choosing a midwife, etc. Therefore, be prepared to hear from your husband refuse and accept it. It’s better for your whole family. The decision to give birth in a couple should be made exclusively mutually. A man must absolutely understand where he is going, why he is doing it, and most importantly, what exactly will be his role as a partner.

So, the first condition for partner childbirth is a high spiritual level of relationships between spouses. To achieve this level, you need to start making efforts even before pregnancy, as we talked about in the first section “Preparing for conception”. It is best to create a relationship in which both partners evolve. Spiritual practice helps, of course. And spiritual practice starts small: do not throw garbage on the street, do not swear with swear words, restrain your anger and irritation, treat with respect any living creature on this planet, try every day to do something useful not for yourself, but for people around. If such a worldview is present in the life of a family, then the quality of relations between people will be at a very high level. Relationship without pretense: a woman, who does not consider childbirth something inappropriate and is not afraid to lose a share of her attractiveness and sophistication in front of her husband. This is especially important and noticeable in the first birth. Because it is in the first birth that the family is restructured: a man and a woman cease to be a couple, they become parents. A woman ceases to be protected, she herself becomes a protector – a protector for her baby. A real Woman wakes up from light tenderness, carrying incredibly powerful creative energy. It is very important for a man to notice this moment of transformation, the moment of Mother’s initiation, an instant breakthrough of the flow of wisdom, strength, love, spirituality. Childbirth is a sacred process that awakens all hidden spiritual potential in a woman, endowing her with incredible intuition, which allows her to read the thoughts and feelings of a child, to predict his actions.

But at the moment of this initiation, a woman is especially vulnerable, she energetically needs a patron. The mere presence of her husband at childbirth gives her a sense of security, the ability to overcome fear of the unknown (especially in the first childbirth), constantly reminds of why all this action is taking place – for the sake of their family, for the opportunity to pass on to the world the best that they have … Many men who attended the birth say that the experience also influenced their sense of fatherhood. They saw a crumb that had just been hidden from view, and now squeezes his father’s finger tightly, conveying in this gesture all his trust, all hope for help and support in becoming his adult, mature personality. They felt serious changes in their inner world. All the credit of trust for life is given to you in this awkward, but so strong movement. Of course, this is significantly different from meeting a child after a series of doctors and nurses. Partner childbirth is a moment when all pretense from both the woman and the man is cut off, so very often, when the level of the relationship has not yet been worked out, it can become the moment of the collapse of the couple’s illusions.

The presence of the husband can be of a purely practical nature of help, when a woman can live the birth inside herself, and the man will monitor the adequate course of labor so that no papers are slipped to sign on stimulation, anesthesia, etc. We have already talked about the brigade method of work in maternity hospitals … Unfortunately, it is the ending change of doctor that can often cause both the stimulation of labor and their artificial delay in order to transfer the woman in labor to the next team. And here the husband’s attentive, judicious look at things should control the situation.

Of course, in order to cope with such tasks (from timing out the time between contractions to signing a waiver of stimulation of labor), a man must be well informed and prepared for the situations that may arise. To do this, he and his wife need to attend childbirth preparation courses (preferably in institutions that develop a natural, gentle approach to pregnancy and childbirth).

In addition, in addition to energy strength, the husband can also use his physical strength to help in childbirth: do a special massage to relieve pain, quickly bring something necessary, support the spouse when she moves around the ward or changes her posture, etc.

So, if you are giving birth with a partner (be it a husband, mother, sister, or another person close to you) not at home, you must remember the following rules of maternity hospitals:

  1. Participation in childbirth should be the desire of the partner himself.
  2. The partner always needs to know exactly his functions, understand what he can do and how to help, so that he does not have the feeling that he is only interfering here.
  3. Be prepared for the fact that the husband may not be allowed into the old-style maternity hospitals. If possible, it is better to choose a new type of maternity hospital.
  4. A person who is going to go to childbirth with you must have a number of documents with him about passing certain tests. Usually it is fluorography, blood test for HIV infection, hepatitis B (the so-called “hospital complex”). Some maternity hospitals may require additional tests. Be sure to check the list with a specific maternity hospital.
  5. The partner must have a change of clothes and shoes to enter the ward. If the presence of the husband at childbirth is expected, when collecting things in the hospital, prepare a separate package for him.

Of course, every woman decides for herself whether she wants to give birth alone or in the presence of a loved one (provided that this person also agrees). We form our attitude to this or that situation, based on our conscious experience of this life, as well as from the subconscious memory of past lives (it is expressed in inclinations, habits, preferences, etc.). However, we can say that a woman alone gives birth to a child, and in a partner birth, the family takes it. Raise the level of your own awareness, and you will undoubtedly come to the right decision for you.

My third birth was distinguished not only by vegetarianism and yoga classes, but also by the fact that this time we decided to give birth together with my husband. During pregnancy, the spouse watched videos on the Internet about childbirth in order to be prepared for everything that he might see. The time of labor in the prenatal ward: the spouse wiped my lips with a cotton swab moistened with water, gently held my hand and said how great I am, that everything will be fine. And I believed him, the only and closest person. In the birth ward, the husband stood at the head of the bed. He was not allowed to cut the umbilical cord, since the baby came out with a handle forward and the obstetricians were afraid of complications. Compared to the first two births, this experience was the best and least painful: when a spouse is with a woman in labor, the medical staff does not allow themselves the rudeness and impudence that they often sin in his absence.
Yulia Skrynnikova, teacher, mother of Elizabeth, Danila and Svyatoslav.

“The topic of natural childbirth was very close to my perception of the world, however, due to the circumstances (home birth was impossible because of the elderly parents who lived with us, and financial constraints to carry them out in a special center), we had to be content with partner births in an ordinary maternity hospital. The desire to be close to each other during the intimate process of having a child was born to my husband and I spontaneously, without hesitation. Since the two of us conceived a baby, we must also take him into the world together – this is very natural. In the maternity hospital, the presence of my husband calmed me down, he gave me water when I asked. After giving birth, he took our baby in his arms and got a very important, in my opinion, experience. Seeing the baby being born, his father experienced this process with me. We can say we gave birth together.
Anna Solovey, musical director of the kindergarten, mother of Nadezhda.

“My husband and I met all three children together. I am very grateful to him for this feeling of reliable support, security and powerful protection. If I am asked whether it is worth taking a soul mate with me, I suggest listening to yourself and each other and calmly making a decision. I am sure that not every man should be present at childbirth. We are different. Some men are simply not ready for such a hurricane of events for a number of reasons. You must respect such a decision and in no case insist. A man can be mentally with you. In our case, there were no questions, and the solution came quickly and naturally. The husband himself did not take delivery. For this role, in my opinion, a wise midwife, doctor or doula is perfect. But he was always there, cut the umbilical cord and was the first to take the baby in his arms. Men during childbirth play different roles: someone is giving birth, and someone is supported by their presence. Here you need to decide for yourself, listening to the advice of your heart. We have experience of childbirth both in the hospital and at home. In our case, the natural birth at home turned out to be much more positive, although preparing for them was both more responsible and more exciting! “
Olesya Mikhaleva, yoga teacher, mother of Ilya, Anastasia and Anna.

“Having had the experience of three births, which took place in different ways, I can say for sure that natural childbirth is the most complete for a woman. I gave birth to my first child in the most ordinary Moscow maternity hospital, the second – in a prestigious maternity hospital and under a contract. But, alas, both in the first and in the second case, I was left disappointed. After reading the book of M. Auden “Renaissance Childbirth” later, I understood the reason for this disappointment. He writes that the women with whom he communicated, writing his work, in 90% of cases considered themselves practically raped after childbirth held in maternity hospitals. I agree with this statement! How could it be otherwise? Childbirth is a VERY intimate action! A woman can completely relax and feel protected only in a familiar environment with loving loved ones, and this is the key to a good course of childbirth. Our clans were only ours. From start to finish. We did not invite a midwife because we didn’t want to involve strangers in this process. Everything went great! The baby was born at home, at the right time, beautiful, gentle and healthy. For several hours he remained connected to his placenta. Then we cut the umbilical cord ourselves. From the birth, only pleasant memories remained. Everything went quickly and without complications. The ability to remain yourself is the best thing that can be with a woman when she helps a new person to come into this world. The baby feels that the mother is calm, does not experience any stress, is born easily. If there is still childbirth in my life, it will only be home and partner births. And nothing else. ” at the right time, beautiful, gentle and healthy. For several hours he remained connected to his placenta. Then we cut the umbilical cord ourselves. From the birth, only pleasant memories remained. Everything went quickly and without complications. The ability to remain yourself is the best thing that can be with a woman when she helps a new person to come into this world. The baby feels that the mother is calm, does not experience any stress, is born easily. If there is still childbirth in my life, it will only be home and partner births. And nothing else. ” at the right time, beautiful, gentle and healthy. For several hours he remained connected to his placenta. Then we cut the umbilical cord ourselves. From the birth, only pleasant memories remained. Everything went quickly and without complications. The ability to remain yourself is the best thing that can be with a woman when she helps a new person to come into this world. The baby feels that the mother is calm, does not experience any stress, is born easily. If there will be more childbirth in my life, it will only be home and partner childbirth. And nothing else. ” when she helps a new person to come into this world. The baby feels that the mother is calm, does not experience any stress, is born easily. If there will be more childbirth in my life, it will only be home and partner childbirth. And nothing else. ” when she helps a new person to come into this world. The baby feels that the mother is calm, does not experience any stress, is born easily. If there is still childbirth in my life, it will only be home and partner births. And nothing else. “
Maria Nesmeyanova, yoga teacher, mother of Miroslava, Stanislav and Rostislav.

“The presence of a loved one during childbirth is extremely important! First, there is strong support. Secondly, the husband can help in many ways: bring a glass of water, wipe his face with a wet towel, put a pillow, massage the lower back to relieve pain, hold during attempts, help get out of bed after childbirth and bring to the ward, and much more. Thirdly, this is a witness of childbirth who will remember everything (in a woman, as a rule, memory is knocked off, and much is forgotten). Finally, the husband can babysit the newborn baby while the doctors take care of the mother. At this time, a strong bond is established between dad and child, which remains for life. So it was with us, and now the husband and daughter just do not spill water . 

Natalia Khodyreva, programmer, Anna’s mother.

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